We Ruin Your Pathetic Lives
by supersoniclink
Summary: Insane things start happening inside Zim's house, really insane things. One Shot.


_Enjoy._

"Welcome to We Ruin Your Pathetic Lives! This is a reality show that ruins people's lives for your enjoyment. Now let's begin with today's victims- I mean lucky people. Once upon a time….in a land far far away there lived an alien and his little robot. Now the alien and the robot lived happily together. Let's go see what they are doing." said the creepy narrator for the reality show "We Ruin Your Pathetic Lives".

Shows the inside of Zim house. Gir is running around with a ketchup bottle spraying everything with the red sauce. Zim is chasing after Gir but then trips face first into a pool of ketchup.

"NO! THE KETCHUPPY BURNS!" yells Zim trying to get the ketchup off.

"Aw. Master, you look like you need more ketchup!" yells Gir as he spays Zim with more ketchup.

"NO, Gir! AGH, Stop it! Obey your master!" yelled Zim.

"Okey-dokey." said Gir running off. One of Zim's eyes started twitching.

**Back to the creepy Narrator:**

"See how happy they are…now let's add to their happy moment by adding a bomb that will explode in 5 minutes."

**Back in Zim's house:**

Gir is running around the kitchen when he finds a small glowing red object.

"Ooo….pretty." said Gir.

"**Detonation in 4 minutes and counting." **said the glowing red pretty thing.

"It learn-ed its first words. Aw. I'm going to call it Stevie." said Gir picking the object up. He then takes it to Zim who is wiping off all the ketchup off himself. "Looky what me found. I call it Stevie." said Gir showing Zim the bomb.

"That's nice Gir now- Is that a BOMB!" yelled Zim.

"Nope. It's Stevie."

"Gir, give Stevie to Zim…" said Zim.

"Nope! Stevie mine."

"Gir, give the bomb to Zim."

"Nope."

"**3 minutes and counting." **said 'Stevie'

**Back to the narrator guy:**

**"**Ah. They are suffering - I mean they are excited and happy. Now let's add another person to enjoy this as well."

**Back to Zim:**

A laser beam shoots out of the sky entering Zim's house. When the laser goes away Dib is left standing.

"What? This isn't the nut house. "said Dib looking around. He catches sight of Zim. "And you aren't Bigfoot."

"Dib!" yells Zim.

"Hi, Big-head boy! Look what I got." said Gir showing Dib 'Stevie'.

"Is that a bomb!" yells Dib.

"STEVIE!" yells Gir.

"Ok…."

**"2 minutes remaining said the bomb."**

"No time. As much as I hate saying this. We need to work together to get rid of this bomb." said Zim.

"You're right."

"Now to make use of your enormous head Dib!" said Zim grabbing the bomb out of Gir's hands and stuffing it into Dib's mouth.

"Mhat Me Muh Muh mhm!" (Translation: I am a cupcake.) said Dib.

"The bomb will explode in your gargantuan head leaving me, the amazing Zim, unharmed. Now swallow! Swallow damn you!"

"Muah mhm!" yelled Dib. (Translation: PURPLE!)

**Narrator:**

"WAH HA HA! Ahem, Ok now to add some excitement. Release the glue and rabid squirrels!"

**Back to ZIM:**

"Eat, Dibmonkey! Eat!" yelled Zim stuffing the bomb down Dib's throat.

"Look! Squirrels!" yelled Gir.

"I don't have time for your squirrelly fantasies, Gir! Now help me stuff this explosive device down the Dib's throat." Suddenly a squirrel landed on Zim head. "AH! What is this? Some type of fur monster?" The squirrel then bit into Zim's head. "AHHH! The fur monster, it hurts! Gir defensive mode!"

"Yes, my master!" Gir then started square dancing with the evil squirrels. (Cue the country music)

"Muh mhm mhhmm." said the Dib. (Translation: Muh mhm mhhmm) The big headed boy then spit out the bomb. "Finally." Then the squirrel on top of Zim head exploded. _BOOM!_

"What's this horrible music! " yelled Zim covering where his ears should be.

"No! The squirrelly went boom!" yelled Gir. "Oh well, I have more squirrels."

Dib then inspected the bomb. "Weird. Why would Zim want to blow himself up?" Out of the sky came a tidal wave of white goo. It crashed leaving everything in Zim's house sticky.

"Ah! The bomb! It's stuck to my hand!" yelled Dib trying to get rid of the bomb.

"HA! Looks like Dibmonkey is going to explode after all." said Zim. Dib then tried to attack Zim with his large pointy hair but slipped and ended up stuck to Zim backside.

"Hey, pathetic earth creature. Get off of Zim!" said Zim trying to shake off Dib.

"Hey! Do you think I wanted to be stuck to you?" yelled Dib trying to unstick himself.

"No master, you don't dance like that. You do it like this!" said Gir doing the square dance with another squirrel.

**"One minute and counting." **said Stevie.

"Ha! In mere seconds, Dib will finally blow up! Ha! Victory for Zim!"

"You know, if I explode you'll explode with me."

"Dib will explode. Yes!"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Dib will- wait. If the Dib is attached to Zim, when Dib explodes so will the ever amazing Zim!"

"That's what I was-"

"Be quiet! Now I need something to get rid of this monkey. Gir bring me the very sharp unsticker!"

Gir had found a cowboy hat and contuniued to dance with the squirrels ,ignoring Zim.

"GIR!" yelled Zim.

"Huh? Oh, Hi master!" yelled Gir.

"Gir, listen. Listen to Zim! Now go get the ridiculously pointy and sharp unstuck thingy!" yelled Zim. Gir just stared.

"The blue pointy thing in the top kitchen drawer." said Zim. Gir continued to stare.

"The thingy next to the tacos." said Zim. Gir leaped up.

"Yes, my master!" yelled Gir.

"Yes now after the Dib is unstuck I shall force the bomb into his noise tube causing him to blow up, leaving nothing but goo. GOO!"

"Uh, hello. I'm right here." said Dib.

"I know what the amazing Invader Zim said." Gir soon came with a sharp pointy sword like object.

"Here it is masty Zim." said Gir showing the sharp thingy.

"Good. Now get this horrible monkey off of the amazing ZIM!" yelled Zim.

"Hey, wait is this going to hurt?" said Dib suddenly worried for his well-being.

"Of course not, FILTH-TY human!"

**Back to that creepy narrator guy:**

"Ah. Looks like they are having a good time." In the background you can hear Dib's horrible screaming. "Only 20 seconds left. Seeing other people's pain just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

**Back to wherever Zim, Dib, and Gir are:**

On the ground you see Dib with most of his hair cut off. His mouth is foaming and he has scars everywhere. Doesn't just make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

"Ha! Once again, my amazing brain meats have saved us all!"

"H-help…m-me." said Dib.

"Except for the Dib."

**"20..19...18...17.."**

"Stevie!" yelled Gir.

"Oh, yeah the bomb. I think I know who's responsible for all this. What am I saying? Of course I know. I am ZIM the most amazing and best invader to ever live. Now Gir throw the bomb to these coordinates." said Zim whispering the numbers into where Gir's ears should be.

"But- Stevie." said Gir.

"Sigh. Look Gir.If you throw Stevie I'll give you this." said Zim holding a shoe.

"OK!" yelled Gir. He threw Stevie into the vast unknown. He then grabbed the shoe. "I'm going to call you Rocky."

"Well, that takes care of that. Computer! Throw the Dib thing out of the house and make sure it hurts the Dib."

**To the narrator:**

**"**How could we have failed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo…..Ok I'm done. Join us next week when we destroy someone's hopes and dreams."

**BOOM!** The blast carried on for miles. Striking the studio where they made the show: "We Ruin your pathetic lives."

**THE END**

_This is what happens when I get writer's block. But I did have fun writing this. Sorry I haven't been updating my other stories. I'll update them soon. Now please review._


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